Missed Funny Bone tonight. Had a potential multi-million dollar meeting booked, so I gave up my spot. Meeting didn’t happen. I’m pissed about it, but that’s the boundary work – gave up something expecting something back, and it failed again.
Fuck it. Moved on. Went to Purple Quarters instead.
The Set
Fourth up. Started with “Fuck Your Boss” – went well. Rolled into economy stuff, acknowledging how tough it is out there. People relate to that. No big laughs, but they feel it. That connection matters.
Did the boxing coach story – dogs and chickens, would catch a felony but I do it with kids so it’s youth development. It hangs, but I don’t have a closer. Don’t know how to pull that laugh out yet. Maybe a pause, maybe something else. Working on it.
Then I just rolled into talking about my day, my life. Kept people’s attention. Felt like I was actually talking to them, not at them. Getting some giggles, nothing huge, but the flow felt good.
Reminded me of my first impromptu speech in junior high – “What would being an ice cube be like?” I said “I think it would be pretty cool” and stopped. The whole class laughed. I was so nervous I didn’t even get the joke. Still don’t know what that is, but people laughed.
Lost in the Flow
Here’s where it got weird. I was in the set, in the flow, everything feeling good. But Andres walked in and I realized nobody had been taking time. I wasn’t in a bit anymore, just free-flowing. No reference point for how long I’d been up there.
Looked at Andres and said, “Have you just been letting me stand up here bitching about my life this whole time?”
He hadn’t been timing – was in the bar bullshitting, think he forgot what he was doing. So I just got off stage. Nobody’s fault. I think everybody was too high and we were just having fun.
The Pussy-Out
I’ve got new material I’ve been working on – racial curiosity bits. Funny stuff, not degrading, based in genuine curiosity. I’ve practiced them in my head, said them out loud once.
Tonight would have been the perfect night to try them. And I didn’t.
I’m telling myself it’s because I got lost in the flow and lost track of time. But real talk? I’m probably just pussing out. Subconsciously avoiding it because I’m scared.
I gotta figure that out. I gotta stop pussing out.
Fighting Before You’re Ready
In boxing, I fought way before I was ready. First fight? Got so fucking lucky. God damn, I got so lucky.
But I made the commitment. I believe there’s no peace without commitment. No peace in limbo. I don’t believe in half measures – they don’t seem to work for me.
I wanted to become an amateur boxer, fight Golden Gloves. That was the clout I needed before I could open my own gym and put my name on it. So I did it. Fought scared, fought unprepared, but I fought.
Comedy’s the same thing. Committing to a one-hour show in three years – maybe I’m giving myself too much time and that’ll be my burnout. But I think I can do it. I really do. I can picture it. I can see it.
The Vision
The Cox Out Universe in my head looks like a circus with storytelling music, pyrotechnics with fireballs, clowns, go-go dancers in cages, beautiful people walking around with fuzzies and furries and different masks. Mushroom neon tech nature vibe.
I can see it. Even if it’s just a one-year tour, 10-city thing, I think that would be fucking bonkers. And I think I can do it.
But first, I gotta stop chickening out on material I know is good. Gotta fight before I’m ready, just like I did in the ring.
Purple Quarters Song
Speaking of building the universe – here’s the Purple Quarters song. Part of the Cox Out album I just released. Another way to tell the story, another modality to get the vision out of my head.
Sometimes you bomb. Sometimes you flow. Sometimes you chicken out on the material you know you should try. But you keep showing up, keep building, keep fighting before you’re ready.
That’s the only way forward.
What do you think – have you ever chickened out on material you knew was good? And how do you push through that fear?
