Fucking weird day.
Had three podcast interviews booked. All three no-showed. All three showed up 15 minutes late after I’d already left.
I’m done placating people who disrespect my time. If you’re shooting a free podcast with me and you show up late without communication, fuck off. Not doing it anymore.
I get it. We all have problems. I threw up in the middle of a podcast the other day and still communicated. It’s not hard.
Phone’s seized or locked. Bank account hacked. Not much food in the apartment. Melancholy. Hard to work. Hard to be creative under stress.
The Road Rage Moment
On my way to Helium Comedy Club, I snapped.
Guy tried cutting me off on purpose. I let him know exactly how I felt about it. And a big part of me wanted him to pull over so we could handle it the old way. Bash play energy.
Full “pull over you prick” mode.
I lost control. I broke frame.
Why It Happened
I’ve been sick. Haven’t used THC in a week. Nervous system has been balanced without it. But something shifted today.
The guy really did try cutting me off. I had to swerve and lay on the horn. It was ridiculous.
But that doesn’t justify wanting to kick his ass. He’s probably just an idiot having his own bad day.
The Teaching Moment
This is my weak point. Certain shit gets under my skin and I snap.
But I’m recognizing it faster now.
In creativity coaching, we talk about sitting through the emotion. Letting it move through your body. Naming it. Anger. Frustration. Disrespect.
Yeah, he disrespected me. Fuck him. I can feel that. But feeling it doesn’t give me permission to break his jaw.
Another tool is perspective shifting. Trying to imagine the world from someone else’s position. I’ve never figured out how to see from someone else’s brain. Closest thing is imagining myself in their spot.
When I do that here, I still think he’s an asshole. But he might be having a shitty day too. Scared. Rushed. Who knows.
The real problem is I wasn’t present. I was stressed. And when he gave me a target, I fired everything at him.
Still Showed Up
But I still went to Helium.
Sixth up. Strange comics before me. Took the five-minute bit I nailed at Purple Quarters and cut it to four. It worked. Connected. Got laughs. Felt smooth. Felt natural.
I wanted more time. I need more time. I want ten-minute sets and I don’t have anywhere to practice ten minutes. Maybe I need more hosting spots.
The Real Story
I didn’t want to do comedy tonight. But I did it anyway. And it ended up being good. Not spectacular. Just good. And fun.
That’s discipline. Not the Instagram version. The real version.
The version where you break frame on the drive over. Where you feel like shit. Where you want to fight someone. Where you’re ashamed of losing control.
And you walk in anyway. And you get on stage anyway. And you do the work anyway.
What I’m Learning
I’ll talk to my therapist about the road rage. I’ve been doing great with that side of myself and today I slipped.
But I’m recognizing emotions faster now. That’s growth. Not stopping them. Not pretending they aren’t there. Recognizing them in real time. Naming them. Sitting with them.
Breathing exercises. IDEAS framework. Creativity tools. All of it.
Discipline isn’t never breaking. It’s what you choose after you break.
I broke on the highway. Wanted to fight someone. Lost it for a few minutes.
And then I still went to Helium. Still did my set. Still had a good time.
That’s the real work.
After the Set
Stayed till the end. Heard comics stressing about Instagram, material theft, wanting credit.
I get it. I want credit for “Waymo and blow.” It’s a killer line. I have timestamped proof I said it. But who wrote “Netflix and chill”? Nobody knows.
Comics need to publish more. Share more. Stop hoarding. There’s more than one way to play the game.
The Takeaway
Hard day. Broke frame. Lost control. Wanted to fight someone.
Still showed up. Still did the work. Still had fun.
That’s the journey. Not the highlight reel. The messy part where you fuck up and keep going.
Where you feel anger and shame and stress, name it, sit with it, and then choose your next move.
I chose to go to Helium. Chose to get on stage. Chose to show up even when I wasn’t my best.
And the set was good. Not perfect. But good.
And on days like today, good is enough.
How do you show up on the days you break? And what does discipline look like for you when you’re not at your best?
