I do not want to write tonight. I really do not. But I have to.
Weird mood. Good mics. Good day at the office. Solid boundaries.
Mentally I am in this calm place where I know exactly where I am.
It is a strange vibration. I do not name it out loud much but I feel like I am walking the path.
Cliches are cliche for a reason.
Why I Do Not Want to Write
I do not want to write because I do not want to think in English.
I spent all day switching between AI logic and neuroscience rabbit holes and pop physics and comedy patterns and programming. That switching has become its own discipline.
If I stay in tech too long I can disassociate.
If I stay in comedy or nonlinear thinking too long I can disassociate.
If I stay in programming too long I disappear.
But switching between worlds forces me back into myself.
The switching kicks me into actual consciousness. Mindfulness. Awareness. Whatever you want to call it.
It is not exactly focus. It is more like shifting my mind into the gear where I can actually work. It is what keeps me from drifting too far into any one universe.
That is why I am writing tonight even though I want to slide back into code.
The switching keeps me grounded.
The switching keeps me here.
I promised this book.
I promised the two mics each week.
I promised the one hour show.
I gave myself three years August twenty twenty five to August twenty twenty eight.
Forget that. I am moving faster.
Tournament in October twenty six. Forest City Tour early twenty seven.
Rules. Judges. Structure. Sea Rock can help with that.
The message is strong. A lot of places will want in.
The Disassociation
I slipped this weekend. Hard.
Full disassociation Friday and Saturday.
I went into a strange primal state and started eating everything in sight.
But I caught it fast.
Back in the pocket quickly. Sunday I knew I was in trouble and grabbed the wheel.
If that slip had happened with liquor I would be in danger.
Donuts I can handle.
That is why I am going to group Thursday. The energy can be rough but I can protect myself. And I need to go because I slipped.
This is part of the journey.
Recognize the slide.
Catch it quickly.
Get back on the path.
Funny Bone
I was not close to my four week rotation but I got on anyway.
I should be honored I got that chance. I really am.
Greg Warren went up before me. I did not even realize he was a headlining comic until I saw his set. Absolute killer. And I had to follow him.
I did solid work. Got laughs. Had a girl blushing.
I look a little like Santa Claus and the beard is helping me. It is staying for a long time.
There was a couple on a date. Goofy sweater guy. Librarian girl. I tagged them with the naughty list line and it landed.
A couple of headlining comics were in the room. Maybe they saw me do solid work. I left early because I wanted to hit Purple Quarters.
Purple Quarters
My favorite mic.
Helium is great. Funny Bone is growing on me.
But Purple Quarters feels like home.
Walked in and saw Sam. A dear friend.
Met her when she was a trainer at the gym before I bought it. She worked for me after the sale. Left on good terms. Stayed a friend.
She and her girlfriend were there partly to see me. That meant a lot.
Sam radiates love. Some people just do. She is one of them. I adore her. Even though she is a hammock swinging lesbian she is family.
The Heckler Sort Of
Not sure what to call him. Heckler. Clown. Whatever. Just a guy being an asshole in the audience.
He tried to mess with me during my set.
It does not bother me. I actually enjoy that kind of thing.
I can mirror people’s dumb energy in a way that strips their power. First time the other comics saw me do it.
He left right after our moment. No harm. Just part of the night.
The Calm
Great night. Talked with Sam afterward.
And I am still in this strange calm space. This vibration where I feel like I am walking the path even stronger because I slipped.
And here is the real piece of it
The switching saved me.
Comedy pulled me back.
Writing pulled me back.
Tech pulled me back.
Programming pulled me back.
Each world snaps me out of whatever subconscious zone I drift into.
This is the balance
I can go deep into AI and feel my mind dissolve.
I can go deep into comedy structure and feel weightless.
I can code for hours and forget time.
But switching between them keeps me conscious.
Maybe switching is my version of meditation.
Maybe switching is my mindfulness.
Maybe the path for me is not stillness. Maybe the path is movement between worlds.
This Weeks Plan
This is my only post this week. Tonight’s two mics count because of the slip and because I am going to group Thursday.
I will keep my eyes open for another mic. Maybe Friday.
But I am pacing myself. Silver Gloves this weekend and MMA Saturday.
Two mics done. Group Thursday. Then rest. Basketball. Gym.
Maybe a Between the Mics post if I feel it. I have a big project wrapping up in a couple days.
What I Am Learning
You can slip and still be on the path.
You can disassociate Friday and Saturday catch it Sunday and be fully conscious by Thursday.
You can not want to write and still write.
You can follow a headliner and still do the work.
You can handle a heckler with a smile.
You can sit with a friend who radiates love and feel it reflected back.
You can be in a strange vibration a calm knowing even while owning that you slipped.
That is walking the path.
Not perfection.
Not a straight line.
Just catching yourself. Getting back in. Showing up.
Even when you want to be programming.
Even when you slip into primal eating mode.
Even when English feels heavy.
The path is not never falling. The path is getting back up fast and moving forward.
And tonight I am moving. Vibration and all.
What about you. How do you catch yourself when you slip. And what does getting back on the path look like for you.
