Today hit before the sun even came up. I was at the office this morning when my wife texted me and it took me a minute to realize the date. Then it landed. Nineteen years. Not twenty. Nineteen. I had not processed any of it. I had pushed it all way off to the side and it came roaring back the moment the clock and the calendar finally lined up in my head. It hit hard.
And I still had two stages to do tonight. Two rooms. Two sets. All that extra emotional weight stuffed in my chest. That is part of this job. You do it when it is hard. You carry whatever is happening in your real life up on stage and you find a way to turn it into something you can use. Comedy does not wait for your heart to settle down.
I had one chance tonight to tell the joke about not realizing it was my anniversary until this morning. Only today. Only this exact moment in my life could I deliver it the way I delivered it. There will never be another time where that joke is true in that way again, so I took the opportunity. That is the craft. That is the discipline. That is the sport of it. You take the shot the moment it shows up.
This whole week has been wild anyway. The autism diagnosis landed. A lifetime of assuming my mind worked like everyone else’s and suddenly a doctor says no man you were not imagining it. And then the government keeps talking about aliens like it is just another Tuesday. The fractal never stops. I once wrote that enlightenment should not be recommended to anyone. Still might believe that.
I grew up thinking everybody saw the world the same way I did. Turns out that is not how any of this works. People are confident they know how other minds operate. That confidence alone tells me we are not the same.
So here I am. Emotional day. Hard writing session. And somehow I still found my feet on stage. Funny Bone gave me a spot again which surprised me. Before my four weeks was up somebody likes me. I leaned into the Santa look and pointed at someone in the front and said naughty. Cute moment. Good practice holding silence. I am learning to fill space with storytelling and energy instead of rushing for punch lines.
I know I can run a tight five. Now I am practicing going up with nothing but concepts and seeing where the moment takes me. Figuring out how to wander and then close the loop. Five minute sets make that tricky but it is a fun problem to solve. Do I build toward a ten or get lost in the art of one liners forever. I already know the answer. Build the ten. I have a solid five with the Joe bit and the dating stuff. Now I need the next five.
Purple Quarters was good too. Lists confuse me. Confusing lists give me anxiety. I do not know why. I like hanging out with the comics though. Everyone shares pictures of cats and dogs and videos and half the time I feel like I slipped into a dream sequence. People laugh at one thing and I am laughing at something totally different in my head. We all see the world from different angles. That part fascinates me.
I also decided today to guarantee a thousand dollars for each Golden Cox category winner. That should motivate the comics. A thousand dollars and a ten minute shot. That is something you can put on a flyer.
I have to figure out how to show people that flat does not mean cold. When my emotions go quiet people think I am an asshole. Sometimes I am just confused. When someone says something that contradicts reality it short circuits my brain. Because we are living in a time when AI is reshaping how the world works and nobody knows how to handle any of it. The next few years are going to redefine everything.
Be the buffalo. Run into the storm. Respect the power. Pray you slip the full hit. If we make it through this period humanity has a beautiful future. I just hope we do not screw it up. If it collapses I will go live on a beach and fish. That life would not be so bad.
On a podcast this week they asked me what I regret most and what I am proud of. I said the thing I am most proud of is the lives I have touched without even knowing. And the regret is how I react when I think someone trespassed against me. My instincts there are not great. Working on it.
The host told me a story. When he started his podcast I was one of his first guests. A year later he was ready to quit. No traction. Then an old friend called him because he watched our episode and our stories lined up. They reconnected. Rebuilt their friendship. That meant something to me. One moment of vulnerability helped two men find each other again.
An unhealed man is dangerous mostly to himself. So if my words can help anybody at all even in small ways I am grateful for that chance. I know my words have also hurt people I love. I cannot undo any of that. So I speak love now and hope it balances someday. I doubt it ever fully will.
Forgiving trespasses is complicated. You cannot let people walk over you. You cannot punish every offense. You have to decide how to move forward with people who see the world differently than you. No perfect answers.
What is comedy. I still do not know. Laughter. Connection. Presence. Storytelling. Medicine. Tonight I just tried to manage my energy and stay real. Some lines landed. Some did not. But I showed up. With all of it. That matters.
If you made it here thank you.
I love you all.
